


addicted

by 8bitheart



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27728830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8bitheart/pseuds/8bitheart
Summary: van wants to play a game
Relationships: Hyuuga Yamato/Sumeragi Kira, Kiryuuin Van/Ootori Eiichi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the joke may not translate well but just pretend that that’s not a concern for a minute

“Ne, Eiichan! Can we play a game?” Van moves closer to him, poking his cheek.

Eiichi sets down the magazine he was reading. He’d rather not be bothered right now, but he supposes he has nothing better to do, plus it’s hard to resist Van’s bright voice and warm smile. “Sure. What is it?”

“Alright!” Van claps his hands together before folding them in his lap. “I’m gunna ask ya a question, an’ you’re gunna respond with, _addicted_.”

Eiichi frowns a bit. What kind of “game” has rules like this? He doesn’t question it though. “Alright, sure.”

Van smiles. “Great! So, if someone drinks a lotta alcohol, they are…?”

“Addicted,” Eiichi responds without missing a beat.

“Good job! An’ if someone smokes a lotta cigarettes, they are…?”

“Addicted.”

“If someone watches too much porn?”

“Addicted,” Eiichi huffs somewhat irritably. This “game” is getting repetitive and he still isn’t sure what the point of it is.

“Right! Now, what hit ya in the face last night?”

Eiichi blinks. That was a weird question to ask, way different than all the other ones he had been asked up to that point. He still has to follow the rules of the game, though. “Addicte…”

He trails off as it finally sets in. His expression morphs into one of realization, which is only further emphasized by the giddy smile spreading over Van’s features. Eiichi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before he can finish his word. “Oh my God, _Van_!”

The older man is holding his stomach as he doubles over in laughter, not even paying any mind to his disgruntled boyfriend’s pointed stares. “Seriously, are you twelve years old?”

“Yeah, I am, actually,” Van says through his giggles.

“Can’t believe you interrupted my reading for _that_.”

Eiichi goes to pick up his magazine, but is stopped when Van is suddenly looming over him, straddling his hips and pinning his wrists to the couch.

“Lemme make it up t’ ya?” he whispers. He leans in to kiss the corner of Eiichi’s mouth, right over his beauty mark. His hot breath tickles Eiichi’s neck and the taller man gulps.

Van grins at him, wiggling his eyebrows. “How ‘bout ya hit _me_ in the face with yer-”

For that, Van receives blunt force trauma in the form of a pillow to the side of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the joke is that “addicted“ sounds like “a dick did” if that wasn’t clear


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hc kira as autistic and wrote this fic with that headcanon in mind. i’m also autistic before anyone says anything.

Yamato is grinning as he saunters into the kitchen that morning. He had learned this trick from Van, and now he’s going to get his boyfriend _so_ good with it. Kira’s already completely oblivious, so this is going to be _so_ easy.

“Morning, Kira,” Yamato says, bending down to kiss his cheek.

“Good morning… Yamato,” Kira says back, turning to return a kiss to Yamato’s chin.

“Hey, do you wanna play a game?”

Kira blinks. It’s unusual of Yamato to ask that of him, unless the game in question is sports, which was not Kira’s forte. Apprehensively, he says, “… sure. What… is it?”

“Cool! So, I’m gonna ask you some questions, and for each one, I want you to answer _addicted_.”

Kira blinks again. “That’s all… I have… to do?”

“Nothing more to it! You ready?”

“Alright.”

Yamato smiles. “Awesome! So, if somebody drinks a lot of alcohol, then they would be…?”

Kira thinks about his answer for a second. “They would be… an alcoholic… wouldn’t they…?”

Yamato sighs. “No, Kira. I mean, technically you’re right, but you gotta remember the rules of the game. So, if someone drinks a lot of alcohol they are…?”

“Addicted,” Kira says.

“Uh-huh, and if someone does a lot of drugs, they are?”

“Addicted.”

“And if somebody smokes a lot of weed, they are?”

“Addicted.”

Yamato can’t even hide his smile as he asks, “What hit you in the face last night?”

Kira stares at him blankly. Is this a trick question? To answer “addicted” to that question… it makes no sense. Addicted is an adjective, not a noun, and the question begs a noun as an answer. But Yamato didn’t tell him what to say in this instance. Kira has no idea how to respond.

So he says just that. “… I don’t know.”

Yamato sighs. “No, Kira, remember the rules of the game. What hit you in the face last night?”

He thinks it over again, but can’t think of a fitting answer. “I’m… not sure.”

Yamato holds his hands. “Kira, what are the rules of the game? You have to answer _addicted_ , regardless of what the question is. So, what hit you in the face last night?”

It makes absolutely no sense to Kira, but he supposes he has to follow the rules. “I… I don’t know, addicted?”

“There ya go!” Yamato says, patting him on the back.

Kira frowns a bit. “I… I don’t understand.”

“Huh?”

“It makes no sense… for the answer to that question… to be… addicted.”

“Kira.” Yamato looks him in the eye. “Think long and hard about what _addicted_ sounds like.”

Kira looks into his eyes, thinking for a minute before he says, “…Huh?”

“Oh my God.” Yamato smacks his forehead. “Kira. Baby. Honey. The joke is that addicted sounds like _a dick did_.”

Kira keeps staring.

“So when I asked you what hit you in the face, you said, _a dick did_ , and that’s why it’s funny-”

“It still… doesn’t make sense,” Kira says.

“Wh-” Yamato grips his head. “ _How_!”

“Because,” Kira states bluntly. “A dick… didn’t hit me… in the face… last night.”

Yamato shakes his head, playfully smiling at his clueless boyfriend. Maybe it would be wise to try these jokes on somebody else next time.


End file.
